By: SADIE WHITELOCKS
A transgender woman who got to the finals of a local beauty pageant says she fears she may never find love after constantly being brandished a ‘freak’.
Pammy Rose, 22, from Seaham, County Durham, reveals she often has admirers coming up to her in bars but they quickly turn nasty when they discover she was previously called Paul Witten.
The keen dancer, who has always felt like a girl trapped in a man’s body, claims she also gets blocked and ignored on Facebook by men after she tells them the truth.
The petite blonde, who is currently waiting for gender reassignment surgery, said: ‘On a night out if somebody asks me if I want a drink I tell them straight away [about being transgender]. I don’t want to be accused of lying to them,.’
‘They say “shut up, you’re lying” or “I’m not into that, mind.” They call me a freak to my face. They walk away and leave me standing alone.
‘I have been spat on by somebody. They said I was disgusting. I was just standing there – it was horrible. Spitting on somebody is ludicrous, it is like somebody is saying I am filthy.’
In 2013, Pammy was entered into a local beauty contest – The Face of Sunderland – by a friend and made it to the final without the organisers realising she was transgender.
Pammy said: ‘Until I told them in my interview, the organisers said they didn’t even know I was transgender.
‘I felt like I had to tell them because I really wanted to promote different people entering the competition.’
But Pammy, who has been asked by previous boyfriends to keep their relationship a secret, fears she may never find a man who will openly date her.
‘People like that do make me feel different to everyone else. They make me feel like I am alone,’ she continued.
‘I feel like I have no one and I am never going to find love. I am not embarrassed, I am proud of who I am, but I feel lonely.
‘I am not going to stand there and argue with them. They are entitled to their point of view but they should keep it to themselves.
‘I will probably get people reacting like that for the rest of my life but I am not going to lie to people.’
From the age of four, Pammy would constantly tell her mother Julie, 49, she was trapped in the wrong body.
As a young boy called Paul, Pammy would dance and play with Barbies and hated the idea of mud or football.
She said: ‘When I was younger I was very feminine. I would wear heels and run around the house with a t-shirt on my head pretending it was hair.
‘I would tell my mam I’m a girl and I don’t belong in this body. I think she thought I was just going to be gay.’
During secondary school Pammy was singled out and targeted by bullies.
She said: ‘I was a tranny, poof, sick, a freak, they would call me all sorts of names. I was threatened and humiliated so much that I was scared to leave the house.
‘I would never say anything back. I felt like a freak as nobody understood me.’
But at the age of 14, Pammy decided to embrace who she really was. She started growing and bleaching her hair, wearing make-up and a girls’ school skirt instead of trousers.
Over the next three years Pammy travelled with her mother and stepfather Ray to London and later Leeds for monthly meetings with psychologists and doctors.
A joke about her looking like Pamela Anderson soon led to her officially changing her name and at the age of 18 she became Pammy Rose.
The following year, at the age of 19, she started taking hormones.
Touching on her previous relationships with men who were not willing to admit they were dating her, she said: ‘During my first relationship, I thought it was normal. I had never been in a relationship before.
‘I was young and naive. I fell for him so I kept the secret.
‘In my second relationship I was stupid. He would say he was not ashamed of me and would hold my hand on a night out. But when he was sober he told me he wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet.
‘I realised he only did it when other people were drunk, we would leave early and nobody would see us.
‘He was controlling. He told me what to wear, how much make-up to wear. I was in love with him, I didn’t see the wrong in it.
‘Now I wouldn’t get into a relationship where they want to keep it a secret – I would refuse to keep it a secret.
‘I would like to tell all my transgender queens to know what they are worth and walk away.’
Along with finding love, Pammy says she has also struggled to get a job.
She has spent years looking for a job and after countless rejections finally got a role working in a food factory in January 2014.
She said: ‘In the interview I told them I was transgender and needed to wear make-up to feel confident.
‘I agreed to tone it down because of hygiene rules and they were fine with it.’
But after ten months of working there Pammy was outraged to receive a phone call from the company telling her they were letting her go as she wore too much make-up.
She said: ‘I had toned my make-up down quite a bit, but not wearing any at all is just not an option for me. I am unable to feel confident without it. They told me it was unhygienic.
‘I was devastated. I felt I was good at it. I couldn’t understand why they had let me go. The factory hadn’t mentioned my make-up was a problem prior to this.’
Pammy used her Jobseeker’s allowance to help her apply to posts in sales and admin but did not hear anything back.
When Pammy was given an interview for a make-up store in August 2014 she was excited at the prospect of employment.
But after she was unsuccessful in her application she was diagnosed with depression by her GP.
Today she is currently making her own online videos to advise other transgender people who are struggling with bullying or violence.
And Pammy, who is on the NHS waiting list for gender reassignment surgery, added: ‘I think I will feel more comfortable once I have had the operation.
‘I have always considered myself a woman but inside a man’s body. I haven’t given up with love, but I do think it’s very hard to find love in my situation.’
Via: The Daily Mail
